Howdy, My name's Mike O'Neil. I'm the Sandy Valley Ranch General
Manger. Our Web Wrangler, and Marilyn, the Boss Lady (I call her
the Boss Mare), just asked me to write a monthly update on what's
goin' on at the Ranch for our website. Well, I'm a lot more comfortable
on my stud horse Jack than at a computer. I type with one finger
and, bein' a horseshoer, pencils hardly fit in my hand,
but I'll give it my best shot, so to speak.
We have a lot of updatin' to do for a start. Back a few months Boss
Lady got it into her head to buy three Appaloosa colts, Cochise,
Warbonnet, and Geronimo. Now, I'm not a big fan of Appies, and I
couldn't find the zipper to get them out of their fancy pajamas,
but I have to say that our Trail Boss, Janice, (my bride-- I call
her my "Barn Goddess") and our Head Wrangler, Darwin, have got those
horses trained and workin' just fine in our string. You'll have
to ask for them when you come on out to the Ranch.
We had a little gal named Jo who writes for Heartland magazine come
out and spend two days followin' us around. She helped us brand
some cows, doctor some horses, and she did quite a bit of ridin'.
She says that the story about us will be in the February edition.
You might look for it.
Jo got real interested in horse shoeing while she was here and wants
to write a story about it. Being a horseshoer myself, I don't know
why anyone would be interested in a profession that ain't very glamorous!!
You spend most of the day with your butt higher than your head,
which probably explains why most us could be considered partially
brain dead!! It can't be good for a man to have all that blood flooding
to his head all the time. Its a hard way to make a living, especially
since being self employed's tough when you're not too bright and
generally lazy.
Janice has been reading a real realistic book about cougars attacking
people that Jo wrote. Now, we don't have cougars ‘round here, except
up on the mountain where we hardly ever go, but Janice rides lookin'
over her shoulder all the time now since she read the book. Jo's
writing is a bit too realistic.
We had our first calf born on the Ranch about a month ago. He's
a real healthy little red guy. We named him Shorty at first, but
then changed it to Uno in honor of his being the first. His mom
was the prettiest little black and white cow we had, but darned
if she didn't die when he was a week old, so Janice and Darwin have
been givin' him a bottle, with help from some of our guests who
have a hankerin' to feed a calf.
Those $%^^& terrorists in September took a hunk out of our business.
We lost about 5 big parties, but since then things have been picking
right up. What surprises me is, we're gettin' a whole lot of weddings.
Our two paint horses, Waylon and Willie, have been married so many
times we wonder if it's illegal since they're full brothers. I always
give the newly-hitched Groom the same advice: "The most important
words in a marriage are, ‘You're right, dear. I was wrong.'" I've
learned that the hard way in 16 years of marriage to the Barn Goddess.
We had a real fun group of 68 Japanese ladies come out straight
from Japan. You never saw folks chow down on steak and ribs like
that group. They couldn't speak a lick of English and we had a lot
of fun translating ridin' instructions into Japanese. They really
got excited about team penning the cattle. The folks who organized
the trip said when they got back to Japan the ladies hardly talked
about Vegas – all they could talk about was playin' cowboy at Sandy
Valley Ranch. That makes us mighty proud!
On the construction side, our Foreman, Jim, has been keepin' the
crew busy finishing off Scotty's hanger over at our airport. Scotty
is Boss Lady's boy friend and a retired Eastern Airlines Captain.
He's buildin' a real fine hanger ( I call it the "Man Shed" ‘cause
after he puts all his treasures in it, there won't be room for his
plane.). It should be done in about a month. I'll give you an update
next letter.
In November the Ranch looked like it was an 1880's costume party.
The Single Action Shooters Society (SASS) Mounted Division, held
their Western World Championships here at the Ranch for the second
year. They all wear 1800s costumes and really know how to have fun.
The ladies look mighty fine ridin' in their dance hall costumes
with garters and fish net hose. Hell a guy gets tired watching a
bunch of people riding around killin' balloons that can't even defend
themselves, but a guy never gets tired at lookin' at..... Oh never
mind, I think you know what I mean.
Doc Bones is a chiropractor who runs SASS Mounted Shooting. The
very first day a bunch of our cows got loose and ran right through
his camp. It was almost as embarrassing as the time we were meeting
with some Bureau of Land Management VIP's. I was standing there
talking to them, trying to act like we were real professionals and
then I turned and what did I see? My commanding officer, My Boss
Mare, picking up dried cow pies and putting them into a box. (We
glue them on plaques and make them into our "famous" Sandy Valley
Ranch Golden Cow Pie Awards for very special people.) Little things
like that is why I love her -- she's real.
So, that's all I have to say. One thing, though -- I'm going to
tell Tim our Web Wrangler that he's not going to have any kids,
‘cause we're goin' to have a shoot out over his "Ramblin's from
the Ranch" idea.
Sincerely,
Mike O'Neil, General Manager
The
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